I stare at the wall, feeling that pain behind my right eyeball. Someone is stabbing my eye. Over and over, it repeats until I have to close my eyes and shift my body out of the lamp light, so my eyes don’t see the light. It hurts less that way. My sinus’ feel tight, like they are stretched out over my face, pressing against my nose. Breathing through my nose feels funny. Like I’m going to break out in a nosebleed any second now.
I close my eyes and for a second, they become so heavy I cannot open them. The feeling passes. Now it just feels like the lashes are glued together.
I try to take deep breaths, to ease the pain, but that thing behind my eyes doesn't stop the unrelenting push and stab. Which is it? Push? Stab? Both? It extends down to my jaw. My teeth feel flattened. My mouth hurts in the back and I keep imagining my molars are going to crack the next time I chew on something. It feels like I could make diamonds out of coal, so tight are my teeth against each other. It feels good to clench my teeth, takes some of the pressure away from my eyes, but it doesn’t last. Seconds later my jaw aches and I have to open my mouth and wiggle my jaw back and forth to relax it.
My eye throbbs. I swear I could lift my eye out and see yellow fatty substances behind it. Like a cancerous growth, pushing on the back of my eye next to my nose. I want to scoop the yellow fatty substance out with a tiny spoon, between the eye and the bone making up my eyebrow. I know if I could scoop this pain out, it wouldn’t be there.
I dig my thumb between my eye and nose, where the eyebrow bone meets and push hard enough to indent the eyeball. It brings a flash of relief, enough to make me feel better and enough to make my head feel worse once the relief is over. I drag my thumb down my eyebrow to my temple. There I can feel the swollen muscle (or maybe tendon) there, resting. No, throbbing. I press it. Oh it feels good. I press it again, harder, grinding my thumb into it. I wonder how hard I can press on my temple before I do some serious damage.
I start pinching the skin together between the temple and my eyebrow. It hurts, but it’s a good hurt. It’s not the pain behind the eyes hurt. I grab a fistfull of hair next to my temple and put on it, hard. Pulling makes the pain go away.
It lasts a whole minute, then that thing is back, pushing on the back of my eye.
I put my fingers on top of my eye, right below the bone and press gently. It feels like I’m pushing my eye back into my head. I know I’m not, but it feels like it.
I open my eyes, close them, open them again. Everything is bright, blindingly so. Even moving my eyeballs around, looking from one corner of the room to the other, hurts. What causes the eyes themselves to hurt when they move? Well, migraines of course. I swear something is there behind my eye, but I know there isn’t.
The pain is enough to drive me crazy. I want to snap at everything and be churlish, but I can’t. Life doesn’t end just because you’ve got a bad head. My eyes are heavy and gritty. My body is not yet tired, but my head could pass me out at any second. I’ve already taken my meds, they make me tired too, and the only last 6 hours instead of the 12 they are suppose to last.